I was on MSN and Luke asked me a question to ask Shawn and I left him a message, Knowing Shawn I knew that it might take a while to reply so I changed windows to joke to Luke. That was when I heard it, the sound that I dreaded yet needed. His MSN sound tacky kisses, it was stupid to change it and I realise now, it seemed like a cute thing to do, now my stupidity is only matched by utter sadness. When I heard it I actually felt like crying. I knew I would never have that sound again and that I had missed my chance completely. Then there is the other side to my dilemma Luke. I like him, I guess he likes me, after me and Shawn went on hold and will probably never recover we have been talking, joking, even flirting. It is wrong because I love Shawn and if I could do anything that would let him accept me back into his heart I would do it in a heartbeat. I...I can see what happened to me and Shawn happening with me and Luke and I don't think it is an awful thing but I can't see it doing it to much good for my and Shawn if we ever could make it work out. I don't want to be the slut that can't get it to work out with her boyfriend so moves on to his best friend because that is not me. I think about Luke and I think about Shawn and wonder if me and Luke did work then would they be the same and me and Shawn? Would it be all I love you's and flirting until Luke realises it is to weird or we have hit a slight problem. I know him and Shawn are different but I don't even know if he likes me and I am to scared to ask, that has always been my problem, I get scared about the little things. I don't wanna loose a best friend and the only chance I have with Shawn, however I don't want to miss the opportunity to loose Luke as I thought me and Shawn could work it out, I don't want to wait forever for Shawn but I don't want to loose Luke, that is if I have him to call my own.