I know that I have not been on much but nvm. My sister has recently came home from Spain and due to that I feel a lack of privacy. It is weird as I am happy for this to be on the Internet as I know no one will really see it and if they do the chances they know me or even care is like a million to one. However when someone that I know can see I just get really private and don't want them to see. I have gone for the big statements and got myself heard, I have however still had so many thoughts keeps churning in my mind and that is one of the reason I think I wrote this to start with. I think about Faye and Bobby. I wonder if that is what Shawn is thinking, if he only wants to go out with me as some cruel joke like the others. I know that Bobby truly broke Faye's heart as even now she has not got over it, she is far to paranoid I think to let it go, to believe he was a jerk and that he could never get anyone as good as Faye to say "I love you". Bobby dumped Faye within a few days saying that he could not lie to her any longer. But what is Shawn could just Lie to me, that he did not have a heart that would turn black with every lie he told me. I know I'm sounding so destructive of our relationship, but I don't know any different. Until Shawn I was never loved like I am now, goodbye was always "bye" or "Cya tomorrow" nothing long and dragged out like the ones I have with Shawn. I never had anyone who was sad when I was ill or not online for a while, I did not miss someone when I had not seen them in a while. But I do when i'm with Shawn.